Going Cold Turkey: Coping With the Loss of Affection

Introduction:

Affection is a fundamental human need, akin to food, water, and shelter. It’s what helps us feel connected, valued, and loved. When this vital element is abruptly taken away, the experience can be devastating, akin to going “cold turkey” from a powerful addiction. This article explores the profound impact of the loss of affection, how we become dependent on it, and strategies for coping when it’s suddenly gone.

The Addiction to Affection

Affection is more than just a pleasant feeling; it’s a psychological necessity. From the moment we are born, we seek touch, comfort, and warmth. These early experiences of affection shape our brains, teaching us to associate human touch with safety and happiness. As we grow, the need for affection evolves but remains crucial. Whether through romantic relationships, friendships, or family bonds, affection provides emotional stability and a sense of belonging.

The Science Behind Affection and Its Loss

Affection triggers the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone.” This chemical not only promotes bonding and attachment but also reduces stress and anxiety. When we receive affection, our brains reward us with feelings of happiness and contentment, creating a cycle of dependency.

Conversely, the sudden absence of affection can lead to withdrawal-like symptoms. This can manifest as emotional distress, anxiety, depression, and even physical pain. The brain, deprived of its regular dose of oxytocin, struggles to cope, similar to how it reacts when deprived of a substance it has grown dependent on.

Coping Strategies for Going Cold Turkey

Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in coping with the loss of affection is to acknowledge your feelings. Understand that it’s natural to feel hurt, lonely, and confused. Suppressing these emotions can lead to further psychological distress.

Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist. Talking about your feelings can provide relief and help you process the loss. Human connection, even if it’s not the same as the affection you lost, can still provide comfort and support.

Engage in Self-Care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Exercise, eat healthily, and ensure you get enough sleep. Engaging in activities you enjoy can distract you from the pain and help rebuild your sense of self.

Find New Sources of Affection: While it may not replace the affection you’ve lost, finding new ways to experience human connection can help. Volunteering, joining clubs, or simply spending time with friends and family can introduce positive interactions and a sense of community into your life.

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Techniques such as mindfulness and meditation can help you stay grounded and present. These practices can reduce stress and anxiety, helping you cope with the emotional turbulence of losing affection. A great meditation practice to help you love yourself is to visualise yourself in a safe space. Walk up to your imaginary self, look at yourself in the eyes and tell yourself “I love you” say it to yourself three or four times then hug yourself and feel the emotion of love when you do it. I found this exercise very helpful.

Set Boundaries: If the loss of affection is due to a relationship ending, setting clear boundaries can help you heal. Limit contact with the person if necessary, and give yourself the space to recover and rebuild.

Focus on Personal Growth: Use this challenging time as an opportunity for personal growth. Pursue new hobbies, set personal goals, and invest in self-improvement. Redirecting your energy towards positive change can help you regain a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Practice Forgiveness: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Understanding their motives and struggles can make it easier to forgive. Don’t forget to forgive yourself for any mistakes or perceived shortcomings. Self-compassion is a critical part of the healing process.

How Not to Deal With Loss

When I lost my partner of 15 years my first reaction was to try and block the pain. My choice of sedetive was alcohol. I have still not fully recovered from my loss and even as I write this there is a tear in my eye. Luckily I have passed the stage where I need to be drunk every day, waking up hungover every morning and starting again in the afternoon. At it’s worst, this alcohol dependency lead to literally, getting out of bed in the morning and opening the fridge to take out a beer. It was at this point I began to realise that I was ruining myself and that this was not the answer to my problems but merely a sedetive to numb the pain.

In my darkest hours of drunkeness and depression I contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. going so far as to laying out parecetamol and sleeping tablets on the table in front of me. Luckily I had people who still cared for me that I’d spoken too and they turned up to my house in time to stop me. At this point I had already started taking the sleeping pills, luckily not enough to do any damage.

Having been to those dark places I can catogorically say that suicide is not the answer to your problems. That each day is different. the following day after this episode I felt better, the depression was enhanced becuase of the alcohol. I can honestly say, that I have never felt that bad since. I notice that the depression brought on by loss is like a roller coaster. Some days you’re up and other days you’re down, you have good days and bad days. the truth of it is though, is that alcohol makes the bad days worse.

Moving Forward

Recovering from the sudden loss of affection is a gradual process. It’s important to be patient with yourself and allow time for healing. Remember, while affection is a basic human need, resilience and the capacity to find new sources of comfort and joy are also inherent parts of the human experience. By taking proactive steps and seeking support, you can navigate through the pain and emerge stronger, with a renewed sense of self and the ability to foster healthy, fulfilling relationships in the future.

In the end, while losing affection can feel like an insurmountable hurdle, it’s also a powerful reminder of our inherent need for connection and the incredible resilience of the human spirit. Embrace the journey, lean on those who care, and trust in your ability to heal and grow.

Conclusion

Losing affection can feel like an overwhelming and painful experience, akin to going cold turkey from a powerful addiction. Affection, a fundamental human need, is deeply ingrained in our psychological and emotional makeup. When it is suddenly taken away, it can trigger a cascade of emotional distress and withdrawal-like symptoms.

However, this challenging experience can also be a catalyst for profound personal growth and resilience. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, engaging in self-care, finding new sources of affection, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and focusing on personal growth, you can navigate this difficult period and emerge stronger and more self-aware.

Remember, while the absence of affection may create a temporary void, it also offers an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and cultivate new, meaningful relationships. Trust in your ability to heal, and know that the human spirit is remarkably resilient. Embrace the journey ahead with patience and self-compassion, and you will find your way to a place of renewed strength and emotional well-being.

Saying Goodbye: The Catalyst for Personal Growth

Afterword:

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Steve Fitz and I’m a specialized Life Coach, specializing in relationship problems and depression. If you or anyone you know needs help with any issues regarding depression or relationships please get in touch. My contact details can be found on my face book page. Sessions are normally carried out through a Zoom call, therefore no matter where you are in the world, we can still connect.